Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
