I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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