Its about making memories worth repressing
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
