East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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