Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
