This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
