I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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