after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
