if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
