Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize