Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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