yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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