help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
