I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
