Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
should my penis look like a turkey
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cover your peen. We're going out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
