it's like iHOP with fire
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
