If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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