You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How does one acquire holy water?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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