There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
