Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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