hotel room ftw
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
