She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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