At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
