Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
