i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
