My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
