he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
