I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
