ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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