Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
