hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
