He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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