my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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