I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
