Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
