the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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