You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
