guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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