guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
