I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
