I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
