whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
