happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
