Yo dont text me then not text me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
