I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
