I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
