Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
