I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
