420 ftw
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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