Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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