smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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