Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
