I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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