i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
