i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
