waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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