A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
