she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
