you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is Oprah even human
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
