soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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