He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
