I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?