anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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