he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
