I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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