Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
