yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
