road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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